Between Being in Control vs Being a Control Freak

with guest Dean Graziosi #MakingBank S4E33

Dean stressed several times in this week’s episode the need to control as many aspects of his life as possible. Having grown up seeing both of his parents controlled by money and bosses and feeling almost no ability to influence his own situation, the desire to be able to determine his own future through hard work and determination was planted at a young age and still remains with him strongly to this day.  

This has been one of the determining factors that propelled Dean to become the world famous motivational speaker that he is, but he is also quick to acknowledge that there are some things that can be controlled, and others which cannot. 

In order to control your life and your destiny, we actually have to give up control in many areas of lesser importance. Being successful doesn’t mean taking advantage of every good opportunity. In fact, reaching your true potential requires knowing which good opportunities to turn down in order to focus on better ones. 

If you want to truly control your life and become the best version of yourself, following these parameters is a good start. 

Accept Your Circumstances As They Are 

Ironically, the first step towards taking control of your life is accepting your current circumstances as they are. Dean highlights this well when he describes someone who sends the steak back to the kitchen if it is not cooked exactly to the specifications he requested. Dean, on the other hand, wouldn’t even send it back if he were accidentally given chicken instead of steak. 

In this scenario, Dean is controlling the situation by actively giving up control. He knows that he could order the food to be cooked again, but he accepts what he currently has, doesn’t waste one ounce of energy on changing it, and enjoys his meal. Knowing what’s really important allows him to control his own emotions and experience and enjoy his meal. By not getting distracted by the small things, we allow ourselves to focus on what really matters. 

Know What You Can Control and What You Can’t 

Trying to control too much is a mistake, but trying to control things that cannot be controlled will drive you crazy. Every moment of our lives is a risk. We can catch a serious disease, we can get hit by a car, and any endeavour we set out to undertake can fail. By knowing that and being at peace with it, we can learn to focus our efforts on what we can control in order to tilt the odds of success in our favor. 

Something you can’t control? People’s emotions. But you can control your own actions and take responsibility for behaving in a way that causes people to like or dislike you. 

We can’t control the weather, but we can control how we prepare for it, and if we’re properly prepared we can not only adapt but thrive in almost any climate on earth. 

Direct, Guide and Teach. Don’t Micromanage. 

A good leader doesn’t force their team to do anything or control the minute details of their day. Micromanaging risks alienating your staff, causing them to dislike their jobs and underperform. One of the key ingredients in achieving great results is to lead by inspiring, empowering your team to achieve greater results on their own. 

Your goal should be to make sure everyone understands the what and the why of your mission and give them the training and tools required to support it. Treat your team like a family. Provide coaching and guidance that they can utilize when they need to, rather than peering over their shoulder in one way or another and making sure they are doing everything exactly the way you would. 

The goal is to make sure your people are working hard because they feel good about their job, feel respected, and are given the platform to achieve big things. Don’t force people to work, inspire them to by treating them well and working together on something you both believe in. 

Trust Others To Do Their Jobs So You Can Focus On Yours 

If you try to reach too far into your employees or coworkers lives and control how they do their job, not only will it have a negative impact on them and your relationship, it will distract you from being able to focus on your own job. 

One concept that Dean discusses in this episode is finding people who have complementary skill sets to your own. When we come together with the right partners we can achieve much greater things than we can apart. The classic concept is the visionary needing to partner with the integrator. Without each other they may achieve nothing, but together the results can be extraordinary. 

The same can be said of employees, and in truth the best way to make your employees feel respected is to treat them as partners. Sometimes being in control means knowing when to take a step back and let someone do things their own way. You can tell people what to do and give them training, but attempting to control every element of how your employees get their jobs done will blow up in your face. 

Learning to trust your people comes with many rewards. It frees up a ton of mental bandwidth to be used on more important tasks and also let’s them know you respect and believe in them. Hire people that you can trust and give them the resources that they need to thrive. Implement a coaching system and courses that your staff can take advantage of to better themselves. 

Maintaining control and directing your team is not always straightforward. Often it’s more like raising a sail and using the wind than it is installing a motor and steering. In order to do it well, pay attention to your circumstances and guide your crew to achieve together what you could never dream of alone.